There are two major trends in today’s society: traditional relationships (let’s get married, buy a house, and have kids) and uncommitted relationships (let’s have fun together but otherwise mind our own business). The first is frequently based on the belief in a “happy ending” and the search for “THE one,” whereas the second is based on a needy/greedy attitude, a really superficial, consumeristic approach to love.

1. Doing it the traditional way..

Traditional relationships offer us a great lesson to learn today, which is that this type of relationship understands pure devotion and long-term/serious commitment in order to master the relationship to its full potential. A strong relationship takes time to develop; trust, dependability, and communication are extremely valuable assets that are severely lacking in today’s world of constant change, egoism, and individualism. They are, however, frequently linked to specific goals and are rarely founded on unconditional love, but rather on fear and possessiveness.

In general, we enter relationships with some attraction, good intentions, high hopes, and possibly/hopefully falling in love, but after a while, the initial spark and excitement of the beginning fades, and we give in to unnecessary arguments, frustrations, demands, possessiveness. The excitement of someone “NEW” fades and monotony settles in.
Instead of growing, discovering one another, and looking inward, the mutual game of blame and mutual criticism begins. When personal desires outweigh concerns for the beloved, we find ourselves in discussions and debates about who does what for whom, and commitment is based on negotiation to meet each other’s needs and desires. This agenda-driven, negotiated commitment will give you a false sense of safety, security, and comfort, but it will not be freely given or an act of true love. As a result, the main misunderstanding arising in these relationships is confusing comfort with fulfilment, which will never be satisfying in the long run. Unfortunately, the success and happiness of this kind of relationship have been and are still measured by its longevity.

2.  The easy way…

On the contrary, as the traditional way of relating to each other has clearly failed, the modern way of relating has gone in the exact opposite direction. Uncommitted relationships are increasingly more common, with no serious commitment to the other person.
This type of relationship is frequently based on (and seeks) more freedom, acceptance, and lightness. Individuals give each other more room to be themselves, to do what they want, and to grow in the direction of their choice.
However, this is frequently done separately rather than together. A lack of commitment leads to a lack of depth.

When the sweetness and excitement of the first moments together is consumed, problems start arising, and the finger-pointing/blame game begins. It is easy to project our discomfort, personal problems, and any issues onto our lover, even though it was never his/her job to fulfil us. Instead of admitting it, looking inward, talking about it, and actually working through these issues, we find it much easier to just end the relationship and to find a new lover. But isn’t it a real shame to simply give up on a relationship were love exists? Anyhow, this doesn’t solve the problem! We’ll discover that the same issues resurface sooner or later within our next relationship and the opportunity to learn and grow is missed. It also demonstrates a distinct lack of acceptance, love, and respect for the other.

As we can see, both types of relationships, traditional and uncommitted, do not work and do not satisfy us in the long run. How would it be though if we would be able to extract the strengths that each of these types of relationships have, and combine them without including their shortcomings? Can we really not have relationships which are based on true love, devotion, and commitment and which also give us the freedom, acceptance, and space that our soul needs?

3. Adding the spiritual dimension…

In reality, we don’t have to combine anything. The only thing we need to do is to begin opening our relationship to its spiritual dimension, gradually transforming it into a sacred connection in which our souls, and not our egos, take the lead. A spiritual relationship is a bond formed by two people who commit to better understanding themselves and each other, listening to their hearts, and embracing the uniqueness/complexity of one another. It is a type of relationship that requires much more courage and honesty with ourselves, but in return we will be rewarded with a deeper sense of love and connection, which is definitely worth exploring.This type of commitment is given freely; it is pure in nature because it never seeks to demand, require, or expect anything from the other.

We experience an intense feeling in our hearts that we are responsible for caring for the other and doing everything we can for him/her. Personal goals fade away as the happiness of the beloved becomes our greatest happiness. In today’s society, the “Law of Giving” (everything we offer detachedly, we also offer to ourselves) is rare/unknown, as most actions are guided by an often insidious self-interest. We need to change our attitude because we are too focused on what we can get rather than what we can give. If we learn to give more, we will eventually get more, thus moving from this “having mode”/”saving-mode” to a “being mode”.

BTW, a secret tip: This law is heavily reliant on our willingness and open heart, and practising amorous continence can be extremely beneficial!

The “Law of Attraction” (like attracts like) also plays an important role, as we should cultivate the qualities we want to attract in our beloved within ourselves first, rather than looking for someone with a specific “check list”. This law represents mutual compatibility and is an essential component of any successful spiritual relationship.
If we imagine the relationship as a classroom where both lovers are students and teachers at the same time, we can cultivate an open, learning, and growing attitude. Our lover acts as a constant mirror, allowing us to examine, reflect, and feel where we are. There will be times when we must confront our flaws, blind spots, and unconscious tendencies. This can be accomplished through compassion, kindness, and warmth toward ourselves as well as our beloved. Stop blaming and start acknowledging and accepting responsibility for our emotions. Love is the greatest teachers of all. The transformation it invites us to will always ultimately lead to unity and harmony on all levels. The self-awareness and self-knowledge we gain through our relationship is priceless because it brings us closer to who we are. Empathy is a fundamental quality that will help us move through this process with a lot of grace.

Another important factor is to let go of the desire to control and accept that a relationship is constantly changing and shifting, that it has seasons and ups and downs. We will learn to detach and embrace the difficult times as much as the easy ones if we understand that love is not meant to ever stagnate and remain as it is, but to keep on growing. The scheme is simple: listen to your deepest spiritual aspirations, and translate them into conscious behaviour and real actions. This way, you’ll discover freedom and acceptance in any situation. If the relationship’s orientation, common goals, and aspirations are spiritual in nature, any test or difficult situation will be viewed as an opportunity to grow and learn, because every situation is simply a reflection of what is going on inside the lovers’ inner universes. Approaching life with spiritual ideals will eventually lead to huge spiritual leaps and even to Self Realisation.

There is a need to learn to be active rather than reactive, to choose to be present in the heart rather than the mind. If we want to grow and cultivate love, we must first learn to calm the mind. Once the ego diminishes (at least to some extent), the spiritual heart opens up, bringing us closer to our true Self, our Soul.
Letting go of the ego and achieving a state of detachment (leaving our needs, expectations, and egoistic desires behind) will also allow us to go beyond our self-imposed limits.
These are essential components of any spiritual relationship, healing process, transformation, and overall growth.

The destiny or ultimate goal of a spiritual relationship can be heavily influenced by the connection of the two souls, but if we love each and act lovingly according to universal principles such as transfiguration, adoration, amorous erotic continence, and so on, we will be able to achieve spiritual awakening, liberation, or an intense blossoming of our true nature.

In conclusion, heart openness and presence, sensitivity and strength, acceptance and courage are required to embark on this journey of true love and discovery of the inner universe of the other. A happy relationship not only improves one’s quality of life, but it also serves as an engine for spiritual transformation, growth, and evolution.

Finally, here’s a checklist to help you have an overview of the qualities that make up a good spiritual relationship:
• Transfiguration
• Detachment
• Eros as a spiritual tool
• Control of the energies
• Active love → unconditional love
• Active forgiveness
• Change of perspective – Seeing the other side of the story in times of crises → Empathy
• holding a spiritual ideal, that holds a virtues attitude in the relationship also in difficult times
• Same aspiration, spiritual direction to go t