From a spiritual perspective, it’s essential to recognize that you are fundamentally free. No one’s behaviour can make you act against your will. You have the power to practice your beliefs and feel good, regardless of external circumstances. It can be challenging at times because we all get triggered, but remember that, in principle, you are free. Just because someone is being unkind or is caught up in their issues it doesn’t mean that their actions have to influence yours.
If you want to engage in spiritual practice or take time to feel balanced, you have every right to do so. You can kindly communicate this by saying, “I need to practice now and sort myself out. Afterwards, I’ll be here to listen to everything you’d like to share.” Whether that’s two hours later or at a specific time, setting clear boundaries is key.
Setting Boundaries with Kindness
A great example of healthy boundaries is when everything is clear and straightforward in the family dynamic. You may say, “I’ll see you all at 11. Until then, I’m doing spiritual practice.” If there is no struggle or resistance in the way you express yourself, eventually your family won’t feel rejected. You simply express; “Mom, Dad, everyone—I love you very much. I’ll see you at 11.” Your ability to handle the expectations of others often depends on your inner attitude.
Ask yourself, what are you struggling with? Why is it difficult to say, “I need this time for myself right now”? Often, it’s connected to something deeper within us.
Breaking the Cycle of Resentment
We encourage you to explore what’s inside you that makes it hard to handle another person’s influence. Remember, external influences are superficial. When you dive deep and look inside, you might discover an unwavering desire or perhaps a belief that saying “no” will make you feel guilty. Understanding what’s truly happening inside can be liberating.
People often compromise by giving their family what they want, and then they stay very bitter with their parents. They might think, “I’ll pursue the career that you want, but I won’t be loving towards you,” or “You can have all my time, but I’ll hate you.” They end up living a life that isn’t theirs, leading to unhappiness. Meanwhile, their parents sense the lack of genuine connection.
Practicing Active Love with Your Family
Instead, you can choose a different path. Live a life that’s true to your heart. Dive deep to understand what you truly want. Then, when you’re with your family, practice active love. Be an attentive listener. Don’t just listen to boring stories; engage them by asking how they really feel.
These are the people who have conditioned you so deeply. Continuously work on improving your relationship with them. Love them more each day. Be the first to show love, the first to forgive, the first to express interest. When you spend time together, make it meaningful—filled with deep emotions, authenticity, and care, like a yogi.
By giving abundant love like a tantric during the very high-quality time that you spend with them, you’ll feel that you’ve contributed something valuable. Then, you can take the time you need for yourself, returning later to share even more love. This approach is practised by many people in our spiritual school and it has been transformative and brought deep emotional healing in families.
Joy In Your Relationships
Some parents aren’t initially very happy with their child’s choice to practice yoga in an ashram and live a spiritual life. But as they observe the changes—the arguments may stop, and more profound conversations will appear—the family will notice something positive.
They may see that their child has become a real friend who genuinely cares for them and actively contributes to their well-being. When you are truly happy and fulfilled, they will feel and understand this, even if you don`t follow the traditional path they had envisioned.
So, we invite you to engage in this affectionate approach actively. It’s beneficial for both you and your loved ones. Now, your relationship with your parents can be one of your greatest joys. It’s far better to invest in quality rather than quantity, and into a meaningful connection with your family.
This article was transcribed and edited by Tony from the following video: