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One might wonder, what is the biggest turn on for a woman or is there even such a thing? As much as this is an entirely subjective matter that each of you ladies out there might answer very differently, Tantra offers some pointers that might be interesting to take note of.

Maybe not so surprisingly, it has little to do with how you look and more to do with the attitude you have when coming to any potential relationship. The viewpoint of Tantra reveals that the biggest turn on for a woman is, by principle, presence. When you are present with your lover, you move beyond yourself. You let go of your preferences, your fears, your projections, beyond even how pleasurable or painful any situation is. Instead you hold your beloved in your awareness, the current circumstance being accepted, just for what it is.

For women everywhere this can be the biggest turn on of all times!

During the love-making game, what might a woman miss that her lover doesn’t know?

In the love-making game we search for connecting with our beloved. Of course we connect physically but how do you feel after? Sometimes a feeling of not having really connected on the level of feelings and deep intimacy comes, leaving us disappointed. This is because we haven’t connected on a deep level.

To connect more deeply to our beloved during love-making, it is helpful to become aware and purposefully awaken your wish to be together, to see the other totally, to merge with them. Encompass your lover in your awareness and they will become aware of the essential connection taking place and vice versa.

This mutual awareness celebrates both people and according to ancient Tantra can even lead to reveal the essential nature of masculine and feminine in both lovers during the love making game. The feminine being celebrated as an embodiment of the love, beauty, and pure ecstasy. And the masculine as an embodiment of presence, awareness, and verticality that he represents.

If you wish to make a woman happy, meet her in deep presence, beyond all appearances and clever moves. Have the aim and the curiosity to ask, “Who is she really? Who is this miraculous being that is in front of me that is so different and yet so familiar to me?” This is the inner perspective to keep towards your lover.

What can you add to the love making game to make for a deeply fulfilling experience?

There are some essential attitudes that both men and women can assume to make the love-making experience deeply fulfilling for both lovers.

One of the best things that women can do is to remove the agenda they might come to the relationship with: the wish to be seen, to please, to perform. In this way we make space to really let people in rather than just bringing them close without being seen.

Create an atmosphere that allows the beloved to open. Allow for deep exchanges and intimacy, not only in the love-making game but beforehand. You might need to build the courage to express your fears, your concerns, and to become visible. This openness invites your beloved to meet you with presence, with love, with tenderness.

Opening this way implies a connection based in love. Make a game of trusting what is inside you. Trust your boundaries, trust the issues that might arise, trust your lover to hold space for you and rise to the occasion to take care of you. From this point you can really begin to grow together.

For more on this subject, check out our interview with Blandine from Mahasiddha Yoga Thailand. She is a psychologist, life coach and teacher for applied Yoga and Tantra, implementing elements from a variety of yoga traditions, ayurveda and psychology. She has been teaching Tantra classes since 2007 and coaches individuals and couples, offering practices and new perspectives to enhance happiness and direction in (couple) life.