This article gives a brief comparison between happiness seen from the perspective of the ego and happiness seen from the perspective of the heart. The former is there by default, widely spread and unconsciously followed by the majority of the population. The latter takes courage and teaches us to reach the true human level.
The Happiness of the Ego
The ego enjoys pleasure and it enjoys accumulating things. This makes life safe and reduces the existential mortal anxiety of the ego.
The heart and soul rejoice in giving and in being together.
The vision of perfection of the ego involves a total separation from the world: a kind of protected Ivory Tower where I can have everything provided. I can get my food, shelter and medical care. I can get my validation. I can get my pleasure. I can get my entertainment. I can get a bit of company. I’m utterly protected by the walls of separation.
This is the vision of a successful life of the ego. We all have it to a degree. We all, to some degree, aspire for this vision of Happiness.
The Happiness of the Heart
The happiness of the heart asks not for separation from the world, but for togetherness. The heart rejoices in unity.
Let’s say you have a lousy job and you make just enough money for yourself. That job brings very little happiness. But if we have a lousy job and with the money from that job we can take care of our elderly parents who are in need, that work has a joy to it, because the money is given to someone we love.
If the work itself is done with people that we love and there is a togetherness while working, then the work itself becomes joyful. Even more than that, if what we do as a job is providing a service to people that we love: if we are teachers or doctors, but we love the people who receive this service from us, then the job is extremely fulfilling.
Empty Promises of the Ego
When we follow the ideals of the ego we build that Ivory Tower. What happened to all those who were striving and got rich because they became actors or musicians? If they did not have a meaningful togetherness it’s all empty. They think: “If I become rich, famous, successful and validated by all, my ego will have its checklist ticked off – I’ll be happy. But actually I’m not.”
They often become addicts or they make a second attempt to find meaning in another way. And they can then find it in a heartful way. The ego just promises. It seems very appealing, like a politician. We choose the path of the ego and it’s empty in the end. If we choose the path of the heart and the soul and we live for togetherness it is a lasting fulfilment, it’s a lasting meaning.
I remember from my psychological studies that people who have a very strong togetherness are much less likely to develop depression and anxiety disorder. I guess we all see that, because if we follow the path of “ego happiness” (which is more like an empty pleasure), life doesn’t have a meaning and we’re very susceptible to all these problems of anxiety, depression and so forth.
If we’re able to have even one meaningful togetherness, not to say two or three or then, with people that we really love and trust, then there is a background of happiness. This can take the different difficulties of life, endure, have resources and have even an overflow of real lasting solid joy. This is like building our house on a rock. If there’s a storm it doesn’t fall.
The ego builds the house on sand. If we search for happiness, we need to train our capacity for togetherness with the people who are close to us in our lives. We need to learn to be more kind, more trustworthy, and more empathetic. To give more, to be more honest, to explain what we need, and to share sincerely, also the difficult things. By training togetherness and being strong for the people we love the quality of our togetherness will rise.
How to Attract the Right People into Your Life
We need to take positive steps step. The people around us will reflect this and we will meet people who share our capacity for togetherness. People who have a very low capacity for togetherness will tend to meet those who also have a very low capacity for togetherness. Then they will say: “All men are jerks”, or “All women are crazy”.
If you cannot trust human beings, you’re probably not trustworthy yourself. But if we raise our capacity to be friends, to be lovers, to be family, to be together … then that togetherness will raise the level of togetherness in the people around us and also bring people with a high level of togetherness to our lives.
This article was transcribed and edited by Adriana from the following video: