In this article, raw desire and attraction are explored as a potential energy. They do not need to be acted out or denied, but can be elevated, internalised, and transformed into a deeper, heart-based experience. Creative potential does not have to be wasted. It can be refined, transformed and used as fuel for inner growth and spiritual depth.
Why do Sexual Thoughts and Fantasies Pop Up?
As men, it’s pretty much unavoidable that we have sexual thoughts and fantasies. None of us were born on the tantric path. We aren’t trained as teenagers in how to relate to these experiences; to women, to the erotic life… in a very conscious way.
Most of us grew up and lived for years in a very sexualized paradigm: Porn, ejaculation …
Sex Versus Eros
Now we understand that eroticism is superior to sexuality, because sexuality is the energy that tends to go downwards within us. It tends to move towards externalisation. Whereas eroticism is the energy that flows upwards and leads towards unity.
Sexual energy is very impulsive and unconscious. It seeks to satisfy the need for pleasure. Whereas erotic energy is the energy that seeks to be experienced as something profound, that unites souls and has a significant spiritual dimension. It reaches far beyond pleasure and is a fulfilment of a deeper nature.
Practical Methods: What To Do? – Go for the Full Package
Improve your relationship to sublimation: learn how to deal with sexual thoughts and sexual fantasies. When you see somebody and you just want to penetrate, or you feel very lustful, do not deny this impulse but take it higher – “upgrade it”.
The fact that there’s an attraction should not be dismissed; it should not be cancelled. Even if it’s just sexual attraction. You feel very sexually attracted to somebody.
Start by noticing that attraction and see:
☑️ Can you put it in a bigger frame?
☑️ Can you connect it to something more meaningful than just physical interaction?
☑️ Can you make it spiritually meaningful?
☑️ Can you see how that desire (which feels very instinctual in the moment, very immediate inside of you) can be placed into a bigger picture?
☑️ Find a bigger perspective in which you realise that you can take that connection to a much deeper level.
☑️ Take that attraction and instead of just feeling sexually attracted, feel a soul attraction, a heart attraction: You want to merge with the soul of the other.
☑️ Turn that energy of attraction that you experience into a catalyst for the spiritual rocket inside of your heart! So that it doesn’t just release energy inside of you, but actually generates energy for the rocket to flow, to fly higher, more powerfully.
Raise the Energy from the Genitals into the Heart
Acknowledge that there is an attraction. Work consciously with attraction instead of suppressing the urge, but then bring it into a bigger picture. This will alchemise the experience.
Suddenly you’ll notice that the tension, the attraction, moves from the genitals into the heart. Now your heart will be pulled towards something much more profound than just rubbing skin against skin. Let these thoughts or these experiences rise to your heart.
Imagine: How Would an Orgasm Happen in the Heart?
When you feel: it would be so nice to have an orgasm now. But you tend to associate orgasm with ejaculation, and you tend to just feel it in the genitals. Imagine how it would be if you just brought the vibrations that you feel in the genitals into the heart?
Bring these vibrations that you feel so intensely in your genitals into your heart. How would it feel for your heart when it vibrates? When it’s animated as intensely as your genitals are? Shift the energy. Bring the experience inwards.
Very often, when sexual thoughts come, you often think: oh, I want to let go of this energy! Let it flow inside of you. Inside and up. Back to the source inside of you.
Remember that you have this option. I know for many decades you only did the flow externally. Letting it go out and then that’s it. It’s no longer your energy. You’ve wasted it. You can let it flow in just as easily, just as smoothly, just as intensely, feeling even more satisfaction than when you let it move out of you.
Learn More
This article is an extract from an online course teaching men the tantric way of lovemaking and the tantric path of love. This transformative course is designed for men who aspire to become better lovers and bring more joy to their beloved women! It brings hands-on »how to« aspects in a very pragmatic and direct way, based on the direct knowledge of several facilitators with decades of experience in both practising and teaching amorous erotic continence. Check out our Erotic Amorous Continence Course for Men here.
This article was transcribed by Adriana from the following video:
