This January I attended the New Years silent retreat for more advanced students who already have some kind of established practice. A week earlier I had experienced my first tantric orgasm. It was like nothing I had ever experienced before. My whole energy field completely shifted, I felt sensation rise up my spine into my brain and then my whole body filled with light. I felt a sense of absolute purity come over me, like I was being transformed and made anew.
During the silent retreat I did a fruit fast and a digital detox. We spent some time meditating on the breath, noticing especially the pauses between the in breath and the out breath. Then we focused in the heart. We felt the heart as the centre of all space and the centre of all time. From this vantage point we began enquiring into the nature of consciousness by asking ourselves inwardly the simple question ‘Who am I?’. After sometime of sitting with this question and feeling into the response that comes back we shifted into saying inwardly ‘I AM’.
This exercise took me into absolute bliss. I felt orgasmic sensations rising up my spine, my whole body was getting hot and having flushes, my mind would fill with light. I spent three days of doing this exercise in states of samadhi. I was having the most sustained and the most recurrent states of spiritual ecstasy I had ever felt. We did an eye gazing exercise on one of the days; as we looked into the eyes of the other, we contemplated that we were consciousness observing consciousness. This exercise sent me into a state of rapturous ecstasy and I stayed standing for a long time in the meditation hall as everyone left.
I have had samadhi experiences throughout my life. They used to happen once or twice a year. When I started practicing tantra yoga they started happening around once a month. Since this silent retreat I have been entering very elevated spiritual states almost every day. For a while it actually felt very out of my control and I have been learning to regulate and to guide my experiences with better efficacy. I have the guidance of experienced teachers and this has been invaluable in navigating waters that are unknown for me.
I am currently doing a morning yoga and mediation practice that is based solely around building Solar power, so that I can better take control of the regular states of samadhi I am experiencing. This involves doing a lot of exercises that activate Manipura, the third chakra, the seat of fire, of willpower, of mastery over the physical plane. It also involves doing yoga asanas that focus on the yin side and the yang side. I spend at least twice as long on the yang side to activate masculine power and strength. After just a few days of these exercises I was feeling full of fire and much more in control. I intend to stick with this practice for the coming months until life presents a new challenge.