In my late teens I had a feeling about the age 26, I somehow knew that something special would happen for me at that age. What that would be, I didn’t know, but as I aged through my 20’s this feeling never left me. “I can’t wait to be 26”, I would think to myself. I knew it would be an important year.
The month that I turned 26 I was looking at yoga retreats on a website, dreaming about going to an overseas retreat. I came across one that took my interest. A tantric yoga retreat in Chiang Mai. “I’ve always wanted to go to Chiang Mai”, I thought to myself. Also, I happened to recently meet a tantric practitioner for the first time so, the word was familiar but my knowledge very minimal. After reading the event description I felt for certain that I had to go to this retreat. I’d never felt an inner YES like this before.
But the retreat was only a month away, this was too soon for me. I noticed that there was another retreat a couple of months later and I resolved to go to that one instead, it would also give me time to start practicing meditation. As a scientist, I had no spiritual background but was becoming more interested in yoga. I downloaded a meditation app and practiced every day for a month and almost everyday up until it was time to leave for Thailand.
Very excitedly, I made my way to Chiang Mai and on the next day, to the retreat ashram. It was a beautiful place, and I was eager to learn. I remember how everything just seemed to make sense. All these concepts and practices I had never heard about seemed familiar. I could feel their truth. I remember how this retreat opened my eyes to a different perception of love and a different essence within myself. My almost constant state of anxiety had faded away. I remember walking the pathways of the ashram with a peace and love that was so effortless.
On the last morning of the retreat, I woke up early to meditate in front of the altar. Being my first spiritual experience, I had barely approached the alter prior to this, but now I was drawn to it. As I sat in silence, feeling the richness of the space around me, I felt an inner voice, very clearly it prompted me to start developing a relationship with this essence before me. A concept that was foreign to me, but I knew within that it was what I needed to do.
Many years later, I am now 31, and continue to be ever so grateful that I found this path, Uriel, Blandine and Radu. Through their teachings and loving guidance my faith has grown and I hope it continues to do so. I still often feel like a child in my spiritual growth, with many tantrums, difficulties and misunderstandings, yet I remind myself it is all a part of the process. I have also found inspiration in St. Francis and Ramakrishna who inspire me with their devotion. I still think of myself as a scientist, but I have also always had an emotional heart which I feel is maybe meant for this path of devotion.
Let’s see where this journey takes us all….
Elissa