Jealousy is usually regarded as something undesirable, but quite normal. While we have this attitude we have no chance to transform poison into nectar. Only when we realize the unfortunate effects of this poisonous emotion will we be able to get rid of it for good. Sincerity; first and foremost towards ourselves, is a key element here.
Apart from love relationships, jealousy as poison can also be present in groups or in society. This can be where we get jealous of someone more successful than we are, with a better house, a nice car, an amazing husband/wife, is more rich, wiser…etc. Such jealousy is often not taken as a defect, but is treated like a springboard that activates our competitive attitude!
Another Perspective on Jealousy
Another point of view to approach the problem is the spiritual one. It is completely different than the former one, as it requires a unifying vision. Jealousy is not good, nor bad, nor pathological, nor immoral; it cannot be labeled. It is like an alarm signal. In the ancient yoga tradition, negative emotions are subtle phenomena stemming from the same painful thing: ignorance.
Lack of self-knowledge and true Divine Love leads to such distorted behaviors, which are not going to be transcended until the human being turns towards the inner quest.
Why We Feel Jealous
Jealousy in a relationship normally has at its base a certain lack of confidence; as a partner, as a lover. There is also a certain fear of losing the other one. It comes from a lack of trust in the relationship.
The second aspect of jealousy is possessiveness. You just feel; “That is mine “. Jealousy can not be washed away as easily as other emotions, since the biological programming is impregnated into our DNA.
Biological Programming
This biological programming is an animalistic alarm sign. If your man had intercourse with another woman, maybe he would not raise your kids, so for the sake of procreation and the continuation of the species the universe made us this way (at least in that part of us that resembles animals).
We have been trained to possess the people we love, to eliminate competition, to be afraid. As a man, if your woman had intercourse with another man, maybe you would not be raising your own children. This is very bad for the propagation of your DNA, it triggers an alarm signal.
This biological signal cannot be washed away so easily because we are programmed to it. It was formed by millions of years of evolution. Even elephants get jealous.
Feel Your Jealousy to Alchemize It
The key element is to not be afraid of the pain. Meditate on the pain to alchemize it. Understand what kind of thoughts appear when you feel jealous. Hear those irrational thoughts until you realize that they are controlling you.
It takes a certain effort of will to bring light to this rational understanding, and it needs a bit of time. You can sit, and say: “Ok, why I am actually jealous?” You feel it, right? It vibrates. Where does it vibrate in your body?
If you want jealousy to dissipate, you have to go through jealousy consciously. Where do you feel it in your body? How do you know you are jealous? Does an app on your phone say: you are jealous?
There is a physical sensation which is actually a pranic sensation. There is an energetic sensation there. There is an energetic wound. Feel that wound. Don’t be afraid of the pain. Meditate on the pain. If you are very attentive to the pain, the pain will alchemize and turn into something else, slowly.
Sit with the Thoughts
Ask yourself “What kind of thoughts appear?”. What are you afraid of? Are you afraid of losing your partner? Look very honestly, even if it is irrational, and hear those irrational voices. Until you can really hear them they will control you.
There are all sorts of strange irrational voices. They need to be acknowledged and embraced. You can even have sessions, therapy, or have a good friend listen to you. You could record yourself or write in a journal. This will help you to understand all of the elements that contribute to building up this strange emotion inside.
Amplify Active Love
Once the irrational is embraced with consciousness and is properly understood, the process of transformation starts. Then the big element to focus on is amplifying the love. Activate the process of active love.
Jealousy can not live side by side with love. It is like being in a dark room and switching on the light. Eventually, if you have a conscious grip on the system of emotions, and all the thoughts, jealousy will transform. And it will make you a far better human being.
Jealousy itself will become fuel for wonderful inner transformation. You will learn to love like God. You will learn to love like in heaven.
Love Like God
God is not like: “Yeah, he loves me but also his wife. I don’t think I want a relationship with this one, he loves too many. I don’t feel special.” God does not mind if you love another. He is happy that you love other beings.
If you learn this nonpossessive love, and in the process awaken real confidence as a lover, then this process of jealousy will uplift you very much as a human being. It uplifts you in a process that can be super painful.
Jealousy can be super painful. But if you take it with the perspective of optimism, enthusiasm, and transformation, it can work wonders. It can take you and put you on a new spiritual level, once it is alchemized.
You and Your Transformation
In this process of transformation, there is only you and your integration into a harmonious way of life. It is important to consider that jealousy is always connected to insecurity. It is always connected to the fact that you consider yourself lesser or more than someone else. And that you consider that something is taken from you, or might be taken from you, or needs to be given to you.
In the case of a relationship, you feel that love, attention, affection, love making, or whatever it is, might be taken from you. And then they might be with someone else that is better than you.
You can look at this tendency of comparing, and start to catch your mind when it starts comparing. There is nothing to compare to. There is only you and your transformation.
Godly Integration
Jealousy always occurs when we are not fully embracing our Godly integration. Or we could call it, the place where we belong.
There is an accompanying idea that we are not getting what we deserve. We are not in the place where we should be. “Oh, but I should get this and this and that, that the others are having…”
If your Beloved is talking to someone over there, and you feel jealous, there is an idea that you want to be there. You don’t want to be where you are and don’t want to accept the point of integration that you have.
You don’t want to embrace that today, in the orchestra of the Divine symphony, you are playing the triangle, and not the first violin. When we are not capable of embracing that instrument, that we play within that day, that is when jealousy occurs.
Embrace Transformation
Contemplate what it means to be integrated. What does it mean to do God’s will? We can also contemplate our fear when that integration changes. Instead of trying to hold onto our place, we can be flexible. We can let others have their “piece of cake” and glory.
It is very easy to sense that power games are present where there is no love. The feminine radiance of women implies that they are capable of embracing and supporting other women’s place in this universe, which would be real sisterhood, beyond power games.
Saying yes to the way that we are transforming is a big element in overcoming jealousy. When you are integrated, you are not jealous. There is only a feeling of constant growth and embracing transformation.
Some Basic Errors
– We mix love with the sexual drive. This is one of the basic errors in any relationship.
– We are positive that it’s not our way of thinking that makes us feel the pain, but it’s the other person. We pass our responsibility onto their shoulders. This spares us from becoming aware and transforming. On the other hand, by blaming him/her we can emotionally manipulate him/her.
– Instead of living in the present moment with all of ourselves, we fear an uncertain future. What if he/she will be with somebody else? What if he/she will leave me? The present moment is destroyed by an awful fear; what will my lover do tomorrow?
– We do not take our Beloved as a free person, entitled to act as he or she may. We are more and more inventive in limiting him/her until we make him/her our slave. But thereby all we do is become ourselves the slaves of our wishes.
– We are wrong to believe that we can live in love together with the other one only. We think that she/he is the only one who can give us security. Our Beloved can indeed trigger some uplifting feelings, but these occur only inside and by us.
– Between lovers, there is a continuous energy shift, whether good or bad. A real ping-pong match. But without thorough inner investigation, the negative impact upon each other is not noticed.
– People think they know what real love is, that they live it fully, and that all consequences of their confusion are the “love torments” (amongst which are jealousy). We are educated in such ideas and we often grow old like this. But things are not like that. Instead of giving genuine devotion, most jealous people bargain; “You give it to me and I’ll give it to you. If not then…”
– When we are really in love we feel like jumping with joy and hugging everybody. This contagious joy is the spontaneity of love. But somewhere, sometime, there was a mutation, a perversion of joy. These days we are no longer happy when we just love somebody, but also when we own somebody. It’s an unusual, perverse satisfaction. We are not happy that the other one exists, but that he/she is mine, and is with me. This point shows quite soon in the evolution of a couple. First, we don’t mind what our lover does. Weeks and months pass by and we suddenly get mad at hundreds of gestures. We become suspicious, contentious, or jealous. These are plain signals that we have parted up with love. Possession is now directing our orchestra and we dance as it plays.
This article was edited and transcribed by Zita from the following video;